3 REASONS YOUR THERAPIST MAY NOT BE FOR YOU.

“That psychologist sucked” - my words once, and maybe yours too.

If you’ve been to therapy, you’ve potentially been disappointed. This can happen for many reasons. Here are 3 reasons you may not have considered…

1. The therapist is not a good fit for you. 

• You might need someone who is more or less passive or assertive. Maybe someone who can better relate to your culture, your values, and lifestyle. 

2. The therapist is not trained to offer you what you need. 

• You may benefit from a certain approach(s) to therapy depending on what you need support with. There’s many different approaches serving varying aspects of psychology. Further, not all therapists treat all forms of mental distress; everyone has their own unique scope of practice.

3. You’re not willing to do the work. Ever gone to therapy hoping this trained professional will “fix” you?

• First, you are not broken. At your core you are innately whole. Sometimes we just need a hand finding our way home.

• Second, it is your therapist's responsibility to guide you, to hold space and give you strategies & skills so you can better HELP YOURSELF find your way home.

• It is YOUR responsibility to do the work, to apply the skills, to be willing to do something you have never done… to be willing to experience the discomfort that comes with change. 

I have experienced all three of these!

I’ve seen someone who was too masculine and logical when I needed some gentle yet fierce feminine energy.

I’ve seen someone who focused on diagnosis and didn’t offer practical skills to support me outside of sessions. I

I’ve seen therapists who spent wayyy too much time digging up the past that I get lost in the present. I have also seen someone who gave me the GOODS that I just wasn’t willing to hear or do because I simply was not ready.

In my opinion, there is no such thing as a dream therapist.

No one person can be your everything.

But everyone of us (including you) has something to offer. So share what you can, receive what you need, and when it’s not enough, seek what you need. There is no end point to healing. Change is constant.

If you feel like there is poor fit, or if an approach isn’t working for you then PLEASE voice this. While it is a therapists job to be somewhat intuitive, even the best cannot read your mind. If your therapist knows what's up, they can change it up or refer you to someone who can give you what you need.

Lastly - if you’re brave enough to do therapy, to face your blind spots, and be willing to change, I bow down to you.

While it can be extremely rewarding, it is not always easy. So if there’s one thing you can be proud of today - let that be having the courage to show up and work on yourself.

And if you’re not in it but someone you love is, let them know you’re proud of them too :)