It’s not the presence of ‘difficult’ thoughts and feelings that’s the problem, but rather our struggle to be without uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
We are told that “mindset is everything”… but if mindset were everything, then we would be completely dictated by our forever fluctuating thoughts and emotions.
Maybe we already are?
We are taught to reframe our thinking, to just “be more positive”, “more grateful”, to self-affirm your way to self loving gratitude and to manifest success with imagery and structured goals… but there’s evidence to suggest that a lot of these ‘gold standard’ control based techniques may not be as helpful as we’re encouraged to believe
(Burton, Naylor, & Holliday, 2001; Gould, Damarjian, & Greenleaf, 2002; Meyers, Whelan, & Murphy, 1996; Weinberg, 2002; Williams & Leffingwell, 2002; Zaichkowsy & Baltzell, 2001).
In fact, studies have shown that techniques such as imagery and self talk may actually make matters worse (Masters & Maxwell 2008). If you care to nerd out further, do some reading on Theory of Ironic Thought Processes and Reinvestment Theory (Birrer, Röthlin & Morgan, 2012).
So what if our thoughts and emotions didn’t matter so much?
What if we knew how to let go of the need to control and therefore identify with our thinking? To create a distance between our existence and the inevitable thoughts and emotions that come and go? To replace “I want to perform / show up / be my ‘better self’ BUT I’m having negative thoughts and emotions” with, “I want to perform / show up / be my ‘better self’ AND I’m having negative thoughts and emotions?
Because you can.
There is a way to live a life where your thinking doesn’t have to control your living.
So you feel like you’re getting in the way of yourself and you’re tired of trying to constantly control your mindset in order to feel better or do better, please get in touch.
